21 Things I Learnt In 21 Years Of Marriage

Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor

Ecclesiastes 4:9 New King James Bible (NKJV)

I recently celebrated 21 years of marriage to the same woman. While some may think whether it is necessary to stay committed to one person for a long period, I believe that if done God’s way, you will not lack His support and the results that He promised.

While i would agree that we have had some challenging times during this period, I can also boldly say that we have come out as better persons, seasoned and wiser in the process through the grace and the help of God.

Over the years, I have learnt some lessons and that is what I want to share today:

  1. Resolve issues as quickly as I can
  2. Do not let anger or resentment fester or carry on till the next day
  3. Pray together as often as I can with my wife and children
  4. Recognize that my wife is different from me and that I cannot change the essence of who she is – only God can
  5. Accept her for who she is – strengths, weaknesses and all
  6. Discover and utilize her primary love language
  7. Tolerate her especially when I don’t understand her
  8. Defer to her in areas where she is stronger, smarter or better than me
  9. Respect her opinion even though I may disagree sometimes
  10. Prioritize her above the children
  11. Be open about any concerns I may have over any issue
  12. Gauge her mood and choose the right moment to raise important issues
  13. Extend mercy and grace to her and also forgive
  14. Appeal to God when nothing she does makes sense to me
  15. Challenge her to become her best self
  16. Talk, listen, wait, negotiate and pray until we can agree
  17. Give my wife space sometimes because girls will be girls and boys will be boys
  18. Meet her needs so that she can meet mine too
  19. One of the greatest gifts I can give my children is to love their mother unconditionally
  20. Keep family issues in the family and not expose my family to in-laws and outlaws
  21. Just have fun and enjoy the journey as much as I can every day

I hope that this has helped you in some way or the other. You can have your marriage as God intended originally.

Go, make it happen!

What do you find challenging about marriage? How can you take monotony out of monogamy? Share your thoughts. Let’s talk about it. Share or leave a comment on Facebook or Twitter


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4 thoughts on “21 Things I Learnt In 21 Years Of Marriage

  1. Hi Pastor Francis,

    Hope you are keeping well, I received your post and particularly liked “21 Things I Learnt In 21 Years Of Marriage”. I could relate with some of the issues you raised and think you should publish a book on Marriage based on this issues. My regards to your wife and family.

    Dele Ogunjumelo

  2. Hi Pastor Francis,
    I’m really encourage with your recipe for a successful marriage. I’m only 16 years old in this journey and I hope to apply the 21 things into my situation for more success.
    Best wishes,
    David Musa